I am addressing something that I should have addressed long ago, which I guess is the same that can be said for an envelope that needs to be sent to Milwaukee, except I don't know anyone in Milwaukee, so whose name should I put on the address label? As it turns out, over 400 people every month use the Google search engine to find out information about "wanted signs." I am not sure why so many people are interested in this term. Maybe they want to make sure they are not the subjects of these signs. Maybe they want to purchase signs and are looking for a site to post an announcement about it. Or, maybe they are really, really bad spellers looking to find information about "American Idol."

Regardless of the reasons, my column written on April 1, 2003, is the first to come up on this search. And something tells me that unless people were looking for my commentary about why wanted signs are not as popular as they were in the old western days, I feel like a lot of people are disappointed every month. In some ways, I don't mind that because I don't like to associate with people who like wanted signs anyway

However, this is 2006 - the year of fixing everything - and all I can do to rectify this situation is post some real information about wanted signs. That way, if this current column replaces my old one about the subject, people will no longer be disappointed. To assure that this gets ranked ahead of my older column, I want to make sure I mention "wanted signs" as many times in this column as possible, perhaps in ways like this - and by this, I mean "wanted signs" - except I don't mean "wanted signs" at all

I began my quest for real knowledge with wikipedia.org. However, a listing for wanted signs does not exist on this so-called encyclopedia site. Considering that even my name is an entry there, I cannot help but wonder if wanted signs are not as valuable to society as I already thought. But, wait, these signs must be important - there are 400 fools per month searching for it, after all. Dictionary.com was similarly disappointing. No entry existed for wanted signs, but the site suggested that maybe I misspelled the term and was actually looking for "winetastings." Wanted signs, winetastings - they are really the same thing, right? I mean, the spelling of each is almost identical - in the same way that I am identical to Kermit the Frog. I have realized that if am going to complete this quest, I am going to have to do it solo

So, here is some real information about wanted signs:

1. Wanted signs are not wanted. If they were, they'd be the subject of more websites. Wanting a wanted sign is like wanting a New Kids on the Block CD. It's cool at first, but then you become the mockery of the neighborhood and may end up on a sign of your own

2. The Internet is the cause for the demise of wanted signs. When we want something these days, we are more likely to post an ad on a MySpace than we are to post it on a telephone pole. Before we know it, people will not even use the post office anymore. They will instead use some form of electronic mail. Imagine that

I only hope that I have clarified the issue of "wanted signs" and their place in society. If not, I will be sure to post a sign on a pole tomorrow morning

But I digress.