Q. At different times in my life, I've been told that I have a bad attitude. I've never seen what people have meant so I just blew it off. Now I've received the same feedback on my job performance review. They couldn't tell me much of anything specific, only that I can be arrogant and selfish in my dealings with coworkers. Can you help me understand what they mean, what a bad attitude is, if I have one and what to do about it?

A. Checking our attitude on a regular basis is not a bad idea. If certain attitudes are not checked, noticed and altered, they become our philosophy, which can be dangerous.

Let's examine some common attitudes that might be getting in your way.

1) Arrogance is very prevalent and a lousy attitude

It's an inflated view of yourself and your abilities. It amuses me to see a football player doing some silly, arrogant dance over just doing his job.

Arrogance also can make you deaf to other people's ideas, to feedback about you, to the feelings of others. I believe that when we are arrogant, we are really trying to achieve something we feel we lack - genuine confidence. Genuine confidence draws people to you; arrogance pushes people away.

Checking our attitude on a regular basis is not a bad idea. If certain attitudes are not checked, noticed and altered, they become our philosophy, which can be dangerous.

Solution: Develop three significant approaches to your God-given gifts: appreciation, humility and confidence. They can take you far.

2) EOE - Instant Expert On Everything

This person knows the only correct answer to everything and is quite willing to tell you at length. Some call this person a know-it-all.

IEOEs can be both unteachable and untrainable. Any relationship with a person with this attitude, whether coworker, friend or spouse, is difficult at best. Being one is a great way to get people to ignore you.

Solution:Develop a sense of wonder and curiosity about the world and how it works. Be strong enough to say "I don't know" and then seek answers.

3) Refusal to take responsibility for your own actions

It seems as if many folks have taken up the notion of fault-free living: Whatever happens, it's not my fault, or who can I blame, perhaps even sue?

There are many moral and ethical problems that come with refusing to take responsibility for your own actions. What often gets missed is that when we don't take responsibility, we give up whatever power we may have to change things. Always blaming others puts the power to change with them and eliminates any problem-solving abilities you may have.

Solution: When you have a problem, ask these three problem-solving questions: What can I do? What can I read or find out? Who can I ask for expertise?

4) AAMS - the All-About-Me Syndrome

This is simply a serious sense of selfishness. There is a big difference between self-care, which is being wise enough to take good care of yourself, and selfish, which is me first and heck with everyone else.

This kind of self-centered behavior is to be expected in children because it is developmentally appropriate. Part of the growing-up process is understanding that we are not the center of the universe.

Solution: Aim toward a balance between taking care of yourself and taking notice of the lives and emotions of others.

5) Minimizing the seriousness of your effect on others

If we are not careful, it becomes much too easy to not notice the wake we leave as we go through life. If you are part of a family, a business or especially a marriage, what you do dramatically affects those around you. In fact, not only what you do, but also what you believe.

Solution: Pay attention. Reflect on times in your life when the actions of others greatly influenced you. Then reflect on times when you may have left quite a wake behind you without realizing how you had affected others.

I believe that when we are arrogant, we are really trying to achieve something we feel we lack - genuine confidence. Genuine confidence draws people to you; arrogance pushes people away. The solution is to develop three significant approaches to your God-given gifts:

appreciation, humility and confidence.

They can take you far.